Love anything…

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.

~C.S. Lewis

When you’re vulnerable, your heart is wide open, you put your trust in somebody in the form of giving them the most precious thing you have – your heart.  When you’re vulnerable you leave yourself available to be hurt and people hurt people.  I guess somewhere along the way, I made the decision that vulnerability was not for me. I told myself that to be vulnerable would mean to give up my control and I did not want to give it up.

But do you know what happens when you tell yourself that strength opposes vulnerability?  I can tell you: Not a whole not, at least not when it comes to pursuing love. Who wants to be with someone that doesn’t think they need anyone? And In my attempt to not be vulnerable, I have ultimately been motivated by fear. I have lived in the fear of rejection and the fear of failing in love and I have told myself that it’s meant to be this way, at least till now.  But the truth is I don’t want to be alone.  I know I’ll be fine and life will go on and other people do just fine with it, but I don’t want to choose it if I don’t have to.